Archive for the 'Skits' Category

Rehearsal #2 Thoughts

Taking a skit from a rag-tag band of Monty Python fans practicing original material at the campus duck pond to the same group of people performing the same skit on a rotating stage in an empty gym with bright lights shining in everyone’s eyes and the echo of the cast’s voices rolling across the vast expanse of mostly-empty chairs is a fairly substantial shift. I mean, I knew it wouldn’t be the same, but I didn’t expect to have this much trouble making the jump. Fortunately, after three or four run-thrus, things are smoothing out.

I am no longer developing stage fright and forgetting my monologs as soon as the stage spins round and the bright lights shine in my eyes.

This is partially because the bright lights are shining in my eyes and I can’t see anything.

This is also partially because we’ve been having a blast putting this little skit together the past few weeks (or has it been months?), and even if the audience doesn’t get a few of the jokes or enjoy it, we will. Immensely.

Finally, I believe our drastic improvement is due in part, if not mostly, to a little prayer session the cast had up in the commuter lounge shortly before the second rehearsal. Caleb had been Calebing his tales of failure, woe, and chaos, and the mood was generally what some might describe as “glum”. The glass is nearly always full for me, but I must admit that even I was starting to get a bit down. So we gathered around a chair and just started praying. I don’t know. I have difficulty praying out loud (what comes out sounds suspiciously like an un-translated version of my internal thought process), but when we prayed together, the Holy Spirit showed up. I just find that fantastic. God cares enough about our silly little play that he is actively empowering us to see it through. Then, we started improving. I mean, we’ve been incrementally improving for a while, but this was a noticeable difference.

So I’m pretty psyched about this. We’re following some great acts, and with God’s grace, we’ll rank among them. I am slightly disappointed that we, The Tree Skit cast, won’t have a good, reasonable reason to randomly get together and skit after this is over. But finals approach, and all good things must end, I suppose. Besides, I hear Brian has plans for a documentary about another relevant, age-old issue which will be filmed and submitted to a future film-fest. Perhaps we can collaborate on that, or something similar.

So, to Brian, Caleb, JB, and Micah; I have enjoyed working with you guys immensely. The show will start in less then twenty-four hours. Two things:

  • Let’s do this.
  • God-bless.

Hootenanny ’07 Audition

So, we had auditions for Hootenanny ’07 this evening. The script and theme must remain shrouded in mystery, but I think we did fairly well.

It was only the second time the entire cast had run through the script together. To say that our schedules differ drastically would be an understatement. Things weren’t quite moving as fluidly as they could have.

Also, to quote one of the viewers, “That was the nerdiest thing I have ever seen.” Little does he know. A significant portion of the nerdy jokes in the script went right over the review board’s head. I sort of wish the board had had a CS major or two to appreciate them.

We’ll find out this weekend whether we got in or not. I think we made a favorable impression. They were, I think, slightly impressed that it was completely original. In the event that we are accepted, we will be making some modifications to the script in order to appeal more to the normal, boring, everyman.

Lost in the woods

Another original Boy Scout skit. Make sure you get someone who can do a good Gollum imitation.

The cast
1 – Fearless leader
2 – A Shakespeare lover
3 – Gollum
4 – A bear, and then a car driver.

The party walks to the center of the stage and stops. 2 is wearing a backpack
2 strikes a dramatic pose
2: Alas! We are lost in the woods!
1: Be quiet! You aren’t helping things any. You ate all our food, Gollum ate our map…
3: Stupid Scoutses! Hates them both! Hates them all!
2: Are we there yet? Mine feet hath become as stones.
3: Stupid rock-footed Scoutses.
1: Fine. We’ll stop.
2 sets down his backpack. On Gollum’s foot.
2: Grah! Our foots! They hurts, they does!
Gollum kicks 3’s backpack
2: Knowest thou not? That knapsack contains fine china!
2 opens his backpack and pulls out a broken cup
2: Alas, my mother’s dinnerware. I knew thee well.
1: Seriously. Get a mess kit already!
2: No need. We will all starve and die!
1: Look! A bear!
2: We will all die without starving!
3: Graaaaah!
Gollum tackles the bear, wrestles it to the ground, and starts punching it.
1: You killed it!
2: It is dead. Huzzah! We will now continue to starve to death.
3: Food!
2: Food?
1: Of course! With his highly developed survival skills, Gollum can gut the bear, prepare the meat, and get us enough food to get back to camp with!
2: He is pulling guts out of the bear and eating them like spaghetti.
1: Ewww. Stop that!
3: Grrrr. Gollum’s bear! Gollum’s food! His! Mine!
2 strikes his dramatic pose again.
The bear crawls off inconspicuously at some point here.
2: Never mind what I said earlier. We will starve!
1: Wait! Whats that?
Gollum sniffs the air like a dog and growls.
2: It appears to be some sort of marvelous transportation device completely unrelated to the aforementioned bear.
1: It’s a car! We’re saved! Try to signal to it! Make it stop!
2 does the hitchhiking symbol. Gollum tries to make it honk.
4: Hello!
3: Grrr…
4: Is that thing trained? Backing away
1: No, no, it’s perfectly alright.
Gollum starts growling.
Gollum chases 4 offstage. 1 and 2 follow, trying to stop the driver.

A desperate bid for power

This is a monologue I did at a Troop meeting on the 5th of June 2006. I was doing a (very bad) Napoleon Dynamite impersonation at the time. It didn't go over half bad, though I'm sure my impression was atrocious.

At one time, I had it all. Then, I lost it in a desperate bid for power.

I mean, there is was on eBay: “Power! Only five thousand dollars”. Then the guy didn’t even ship. So, I finally complained. And sent a couple hundred dollars to seal the deal.

Then he sent me a box of junk. I mean, there was like, a battery and a book on being president by Bill Clinton and some other stuff. But there, at the bottom of the box, there it was: The One Ring of Power. It called to me.

So, I tired to put it on, so I could become an evil overlord and invisible and junk, but it didn’t work. The thing was plastic. I think it came from McDonalds or something. Yeah. Only five million one rings now.

So, um, I wanted to see if it had any hidden words on it, but I didn’t have a fire. So I put it in the microwave. And it melted into a little blob that smelled funny. All of it except a little sticker that said “Made in Taiwan”. Yeah.

But, the blob wouldn’t solidify. I took it as a sign of great energy keeping the molecules in a liquid state. So I put it into a little baggie, and carried it around with me. I thought I might, you know, absorb some of it’s power though osmosis.

Anyway, I went on this cooking camping trip with my Troop. They were making this “stew” for dinner. It was just nasty. And I, um, though that if I dumped the ring blob into the soup, the toxins might release the latent power contained within the ring or something. I was going to eat it. No, I was, but that stuff was nasty.

But what do you know? The ring’s power was reforged, and everyone who ate that stew became invisible. I mean, I haven’t seen any of them since.

Rejected skit #1: Wrestling

A word of explanation about this one.
At Camp Woodruff 2005, Sam and myself came up with four skits. Sadly, three of them but one were vetoed by the leaders. Quality control and all that.
Every morning at assembly, the campers were allowed to challenge either the staff or another troop to a game. The funny thing is, as the week went by, many of the sports started getting banned. It was ridiculous, even soccer was forbidden. (Some kid got run over.)
To protest and parody this turn of events, we created a small poster. At assembly on the last day of camp, I would read it in a loud, deep wrestling announcer voice.

Troop X challenges the staff to: DEATH ON TOP OF THE ADMIN BUILDING!
The wrestling event to end all other camp activities!

Watch in horror as Troop X hero “The Scoutmaster” takes on all challengers – and throws them to their doom!
Tickets purchases are available online and at the lower water buffalo campsite.
Tonight! Eight thirty! On top of the administration building! Be there!

Needless to say, when I ran it past the leaders, they were less then thrilled. Hope you enjoy it, but please don’t preform it! 😉

The way of the ninja

[professor walks onto stage and begins to speak]
Hello. You are all doubtless here today to learn about ninjas. Unfortunately, the way of the ninja is fraught with hardness-es. These include:

  • Exercise
  • Assassinating people
  • Sneaking around
  • Getting killed multiple times

If any of this appeals to you, you are in the right place. Now, the first most important point: Socks. Some people claim that ninjas don’t care about socks. Those people would be wrong.
The next most important thing to remember is how to become one with the shadows. Fortunately, this is highly overrated. People are very unobservant.

However, all this lecture would be pointless and boring if there was to be no demonstration. Observe as this trained trained ninja infultrates a campsite of hapless Boy Scouts.

[Cut to three guys sitting around a campfire]
[The ninja is slipping up behind #1.]
1: So then, the frumious Bandersnatch grabbed Harold and-
2: What’s that?! [pointing]
[The ninja grabs #1]
[A brief struggle ensues]
professor: Observe how the skilled ninja goes directly for the sock.
ninja: Behold! I have prevailed over my formally sock wearing foe!
professor: This will conclude our demonstration. Thank you.

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