There are some people who would say to me, “James, being an extreme Pirates of the Caribbean fanboy, having eagerly awaited the conclusion of the trilogy for months, and having been one of the first to see the third movie (having gone at 12:01 AM on May 25th), do you feel that it has been worthy of the anticipation, lack of sleep, ten bucks, and “Pirates” name?
The people who ask these things don’t exist, but I’ll flatter myself and pretend that they do.
To these sorts of people, I shall reply:
(Spoiler. Mom, don’t cheat.)
No. No, it was not.
There are a million ways it could have gone better. For the following example:
- Jack tricks Bootstrap Bill into stabbing the heart
- The pagan goddess changes the rules
- Davy Jones is the only one who can release aforementioned goddess
- Forget about the freaking goddess. There was no good reason to have her in there.
- Actual cheerfulness
- Or, better yet, have someone stab the heart in Pirates II, wrap the whole story up there, and do something completely different and happy for Pirates III.
Gah. Disney, how could you do this to us?