Lost in the woods

Another original Boy Scout skit. Make sure you get someone who can do a good Gollum imitation.

The cast
1 – Fearless leader
2 – A Shakespeare lover
3 – Gollum
4 – A bear, and then a car driver.

The party walks to the center of the stage and stops. 2 is wearing a backpack
2 strikes a dramatic pose
2: Alas! We are lost in the woods!
1: Be quiet! You aren’t helping things any. You ate all our food, Gollum ate our map…
3: Stupid Scoutses! Hates them both! Hates them all!
2: Are we there yet? Mine feet hath become as stones.
3: Stupid rock-footed Scoutses.
1: Fine. We’ll stop.
2 sets down his backpack. On Gollum’s foot.
2: Grah! Our foots! They hurts, they does!
Gollum kicks 3’s backpack
2: Knowest thou not? That knapsack contains fine china!
2 opens his backpack and pulls out a broken cup
2: Alas, my mother’s dinnerware. I knew thee well.
1: Seriously. Get a mess kit already!
2: No need. We will all starve and die!
1: Look! A bear!
2: We will all die without starving!
3: Graaaaah!
Gollum tackles the bear, wrestles it to the ground, and starts punching it.
1: You killed it!
2: It is dead. Huzzah! We will now continue to starve to death.
3: Food!
2: Food?
1: Of course! With his highly developed survival skills, Gollum can gut the bear, prepare the meat, and get us enough food to get back to camp with!
2: He is pulling guts out of the bear and eating them like spaghetti.
1: Ewww. Stop that!
3: Grrrr. Gollum’s bear! Gollum’s food! His! Mine!
2 strikes his dramatic pose again.
The bear crawls off inconspicuously at some point here.
2: Never mind what I said earlier. We will starve!
1: Wait! Whats that?
Gollum sniffs the air like a dog and growls.
2: It appears to be some sort of marvelous transportation device completely unrelated to the aforementioned bear.
1: It’s a car! We’re saved! Try to signal to it! Make it stop!
2 does the hitchhiking symbol. Gollum tries to make it honk.
4: Hello!
3: Grrr…
4: Is that thing trained? Backing away
1: No, no, it’s perfectly alright.
Gollum starts growling.
Gollum chases 4 offstage. 1 and 2 follow, trying to stop the driver.

1 Response to “Lost in the woods”

  1. 1 Elizabeth Decker October 15, 2006 at 10:43 am

    Dude! I could totally do the golem character!
    🙂 Also, where have you been and what have you been doing?

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